Most of my 2017 was spent as follows: Bed + Tears + Food + Tissues + Sleep + Repeat. I was wading in this emotional swamp because I chose to take on the herculean task of doing something I had never done–grieve the death of my mother. My mother died 34 years ago when I was a toddler. However I’d never given myself the space to mourn her loss until my life forced me to do so.
I was definitely on my Super Mario grind in Year 37. I took huge leaps of faith in my business, I put myself WAY out there to meet new people and build my network, and I took on some of the biggest personal and professional challenges in my life thus far. While those big leaps yielded extraordinary success and access to new avenues of opportunity, they also came with huge learning curves, big losses, and enormous hits to my soul. I was grateful to be at another level of my life, but by the end of 2016, I didn’t want to play anymore.
I had to JUMP because I didn’t want to look back on my life with regret for not leaping into this window of opportunity. I had to JUMP because I wanted to be proud of the woman staring back at me in the mirror every day.
Three years later, I’ve never been more glad that I JUMPED into this chapter of my story.
Listen up, folks—mistakes in print happen ALL. THE. TIME. I was reading an interpreted version of the Bible a few years ago and I found an error right in The New Testament. As a kid who grew up reading Bible stories, I knew that Jesus understood the difference between its versus it’s, but apparently the editor for this Bible did not.
AND THAT’S OK.
I reasoned that if you wanted to hire me as a writer and editor, you wouldn’t want to read about my broken heart, my struggles with my body image, my leap of faith from DC to New York, and my ongoing work of mourning, loving, and honoring the lives of my Mommy and my Daddy.
Or maybe you do.
I know it’s a tall order to ask for ACCEPTANCE from a society that has rarely valued anyone with curves, so all that I request is that you just let us BE. Let us BE dimpled-kneed, full-bellied, thick-waisted, and double DD’d. Most of all, just let us BE HUMAN—HUMANS who have every right to be respected, honored, and, yes, even BEAUTIFUL.
My pricing isn’t just about paying for my WiFi, firing up my laptop, and covering my Brooklyn rent. My pricing also includes my VALUE.
Will Leah @ 40 or Leah @ 45 be upset that I didn’t make marriage and motherhood more of a priority now? I don’t know. But I can’t build my life today on future regrets that I might not even have.
With each day, it’s a beautiful experience to truly KNOW in my bones that MY BODY is a divine instrument that is WORTHY to be nourished, moved, and loved.
I had this blog post up for awhile about my transition into New York, but then this little self-doubt gremlin told me to take it down over the summer. (NOTE: If your favorite SoulFlakes posts are now missing, you can blame it on her NOT me!) I was thinking, “People are probably tired of hearing…
At the end of the day, we really don’t need a co-signer. We just need to be the first partaker in our dreams, goals, and action plans.
I’m realizing absolutely nothing in my life will ever get done well if I don’t take care of ME FIRST.