Death has a way of putting your LIVING into perspective. Tomorrow isn’t promised to ANYONE. But we can’t live under the shadow of death. Our job is to create more light and to shine it even more brightly to honor our loved ones who have gone on before us.
Most of my 2017 was spent as follows: Bed + Tears + Food + Tissues + Sleep + Repeat. I was wading in this emotional swamp because I chose to take on the herculean task of doing something I had never done–grieve the death of my mother. My mother died 34 years ago when I was a toddler. However I’d never given myself the space to mourn her loss until my life forced me to do so.
I was definitely on my Super Mario grind in Year 37. I took huge leaps of faith in my business, I put myself WAY out there to meet new people and build my network, and I took on some of the biggest personal and professional challenges in my life thus far. While those big leaps yielded extraordinary success and access to new avenues of opportunity, they also came with huge learning curves, big losses, and enormous hits to my soul. I was grateful to be at another level of my life, but by the end of 2016, I didn’t want to play anymore.
I had to JUMP because I didn’t want to look back on my life with regret for not leaping into this window of opportunity. I had to JUMP because I wanted to be proud of the woman staring back at me in the mirror every day.
Three years later, I’ve never been more glad that I JUMPED into this chapter of my story.
This is the first time since I began my New York Adventure that I will be taking very intentional time off the grid. But to be honest, I’m equally excited and scared. I’m excited to explore and discover India AND I’m scared of taking a much-needed pause on my evolution as an entrepreneur.
Listen up, folks—mistakes in print happen ALL. THE. TIME. I was reading an interpreted version of the Bible a few years ago and I found an error right in The New Testament. As a kid who grew up reading Bible stories, I knew that Jesus understood the difference between its versus it’s, but apparently the editor for this Bible did not.
AND THAT’S OK.
I tried, ya’ll. I REALLY tried.
As a relentless optimist, I was searching for ANY silver lining I could find yesterday. But I could feel the sadness as soon as I boarded the A train into the city.
As a writer, one of the most important elements of my writing process is getting the vibe right. I don’t put pen to paper or finger to keyboard without setting an atmosphere where my creativity can flow.
I reasoned that if you wanted to hire me as a writer and editor, you wouldn’t want to read about my broken heart, my struggles with my body image, my leap of faith from DC to New York, and my ongoing work of mourning, loving, and honoring the lives of my Mommy and my Daddy.
Or maybe you do.
I know it’s a tall order to ask for ACCEPTANCE from a society that has rarely valued anyone with curves, so all that I request is that you just let us BE. Let us BE dimpled-kneed, full-bellied, thick-waisted, and double DD’d. Most of all, just let us BE HUMAN—HUMANS who have every right to be respected, honored, and, yes, even BEAUTIFUL.
My pricing isn’t just about paying for my WiFi, firing up my laptop, and covering my Brooklyn rent. My pricing also includes my VALUE.
Will Leah @ 40 or Leah @ 45 be upset that I didn’t make marriage and motherhood more of a priority now? I don’t know. But I can’t build my life today on future regrets that I might not even have.